I am presented with a broom handle. “Remember” my minder tells me ” you just need to tickle them on their whiskers and they will back off”. I am on Bird Island, an amazing place just off South Georgia in the Southern Ocean. I’m attempting to do some research on the beaches, looking for vey small critters that live on rocks. The only problem is the beaches are home to fur seals. Lots and lots of fur seals, or furries as they are affectionately known. “How many?” I ask. My minder thinks for a moment. “About 200,000” he replies “give or take a few”. They can be found sitting on beaches, rocks, tussocks, and anywhere else they feel inclined to. And they have attitude. Serious attitude, as I was about to find out.
We had arrived at the beginning of the breeding season on the British Antarctic Survey Research Ship James Clark Ross. We were resupplying the base there for the first time since the end of the previous Austral summer. I was feeling guilty that my friends and colleagues had a difficult and demanding task to complete and I was on my way for a “jolly” with the pick of Bird Island to investigate. I took my broom handle, rucksack and VHF radio and with my minder left them manhandling boxes of food and barrels of fuel along a precipitous wooden jetty complete with resident grumpy male furrie who charged at anyone with the temerity to attempt to pass. That should have warned me.
We climbed to the summit of the island. Numerous small bays were laid out below us. Tiny coves, just scraps of black sand, rocks and breaking waves. And all very full of young male furries with a few camper van sized male elephant seals thrown in for good measure. “Where do you want to go?”. Hell, I didn’t have any idea. Why would I? I had never been anywhere like this before. My brain was already overloaded with images of stupendously rugged snow-covered mountains and amazing wildlife I had only ever seen in Attenborough documentaries. I pointed at a random beach and we headed off down the viciously steep slope, through wiry knee high tussock grass, skidding our way towards the bay. I was enthralled by the wildlife. Wandering albatross had built nests among the tussock. Fat, fluffy chicks sat waiting for their parents to return with food. Unfazed by our presence, curious and unafraid they reached out and tentatively pecked at our hair, hats and glasses. Tragically this majestic bird is in decline. Their numbers have halved over the last fifty years mainly due to drowning on longlines, fishing lines kilometres long with many baited hooks used for catching tuna.
As we made our way down the final muddy slope to the beach, snow flurries swirled around us revealing tantalising glimpses of the way ahead. Our senses were assaulted by the sound and smell of hundreds of seals crammed onto an ever diminishing beach. We were faced with a dilemma, my chosen site was at the furthermost side of the cove. Undeterred my minder sets off across the beach thwacking seal noses with his broom handle and leaping from one angry seal to the next, seemingly oblivious to the snapping teeth and angry barks his passage provokes. I find myself alone on the nearshore, my minder waving and shouting advice from the safety of the rocks on the far side of the mass of irate bodies. I start my traverse of the bay, discovering the invisible boundaries of fiercely defended patches of sand by the lunges and hisses of angry seals. My progress mimics the motion of a ball bearing in a pinball machine as I ricochet from one invisible boundary and bewhiskered set of snapping jaws to the next. Finally I make it across the beach unscathed, my heart pounding with adrenalin and a wild joy at the savage beauty of nature. We look at each other and burst out laughing. “How do we get back?” we say in unison.